How to Be Good In Bed

Women are always telling me I’m good in bed, which is weird, ‘cause I’m not doing anything special. I mean, I could. I was married for 7 years, so I learned a thing or two. But most of the time, I’m sticking to the basics: Don’t stick it in too soon, and don’t come too soon.*

That’s really all you need. If you need a little more clarification, here goes:
1. Don’t stick it in too soon. There’s no such thing as too much foreplay. I’m serious. Women take a lot longer to get turned on than men do. Just because she’s wet, doesn’t mean she’s ready for penetration. A good sign that she’s ready is when her hips start thrusting involuntarily. Or she says “God damn it, when are you going to fuck me?!” I’d rather run the risk of teasing her until she’s so turned on she can barely stand it than to skip ahead to penetration too soon. The key to making the foreplay last longer is to enjoy it. Stay in the moment. Focus on every new sensation, every new body part. Relax. You’re in bed with a hot woman. This is where you want to be. Relax and take your time.
2. Don’t come too soon. This is the second most important thing you can do to be a better lover. Most men last 5 minutes or less. If you can last ten minutes, you’re twice as good as average. Give her 20 minutes and she’ll think you’re a rockstar. If you think about it, twenty minutes is not that long to spend doing the thing you enjoy more than anything else in the world. The key to not coming too soon is to pause and take a deep breath and relax all those muscles, sort of a reverse Kegel exercise. Don’t be embarrassed if you need to stop. She’ll be turned on by knowing that you’re so turned on, and she’ll be impressed by your control.

Step 2 is a lot easier if you’ve spent enough time on step 1. This is because she’ll come quicker if she’s super turned on, so you don’t have to hold back the floodgates of ejaculation as long. Hell, if you want to be an overachiever, give her an orgasm before you even get to penetration, aka the appetizer orgasm.
It’s really that simple. I estimate that 90-95% of being “good in bed” comes down to those two things, besides the obvious prerequisites of confidence, chemistry, and mutual attraction. You don’t need a bunch of different positions. You don’t need fancy cunnilingus techniques. You just need to go slow enough so that she’s turned on and give her enough time to get to climax. That’s it.
Stay sexy, my friends

* I’m a classy guy, so I really agonized about whether to phrase this in a more sophisticated, less crude way. But I ultimately decided that it was more important to make this easy for you to remember.