Today, I want to talk about limiting beliefs and how they can screw up your perception of reality.
Recently, I had a stupid limiting belief that this really hot girl that I met was a “nice” girl who wasn’t going to get down with me right away. I assumed she was going to make me at least play part of the boyfriend role, if not actually become her boyfriend.
The night we finally went out I scrolled up on my phone and saw a message saying “I’m very attracted to you. Not as a boyfriend, but maybe something more casual.”
The weird thing is I had read this message but I was so stuck in my limiting belief that I hadn’t really understood it. I had just assumed she was saying the opposite – that I was the one who was interested in something casual. Here she was literally telling me what she wanted and I was ignoring it and persisting in my limiting belief.
And this was a very stupid limiting belief, because obviously a woman can be hot, smart, and classy and still enjoy casual sex. Her self-esteem isn’t dependent on how much sex she has or doesn’t have, or on how long she makes you wait. (And if you need me to tell you that, you’re an idiot whose backward attitude is causing you to miss out on a lot of great sex). And it showed a lack of self-confidence on my part for assuming that I wasn’t attractive enough for her to only want me for one thing.
But sometimes limiting beliefs don’t just make you misinterpret things. They can actually make you blind to reality.
One time, when I was in a low state of confidence, I was walking through the mall with a female friend and she says “Wow, EVERY girl here is checking you out!”. Somehow, I was so wrapped up in my own self-loathing, that I hadn’t even noticed. How bizarre is that?
As a wise man once said “There are none so blind as those who will not see.” I was so stuck in a negative self-perception that my mind was blocking out anything that contradicted it.
On the other hand, a positive belief can work wonders for you. One time this girl came over to my house, we had a great time, and the next day I see that she had sent me a message saying “I’ll come over, but this time we’re not going to have sex”. Because I hadn’t seen the message (I don’t have internet at home or a smart phone), my mental frame of “Of course we’re going to have sex” was stronger than her mental frame of “I want to but I don’t think I should”. (And just to be clear: she consented, verbally and non-verbally).
So, how can you identify your limiting beliefs and recognize them for what they are? That’s a topic for next week.
Stay sexy, my friends.